


a thought on an autumn night

by starshipz



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27739813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starshipz/pseuds/starshipz
Summary: taeyoung just happened to have been seongmin’s every season.
Relationships: Ahn Seongmin/Kim Taeyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	a thought on an autumn night

**Author's Note:**

> it has been a while since i have written a short fic so i apologize for any mistakes
> 
> the title is from a song of the same name by JANNABI

_ autumn of 2020 - present. _

  
  


it was one of those nights where seongmin would be at the balcony of his room, sitting by the railings with his legs dangling through the night breeze. he breathes the autumn wind in as he closes his eyes, as the whispers of memories run through his busy yet static mind. 

he opens his eyes as he stares into the bouquet of white daisies which he has been holding onto for the whole day. it was difficult for him to find those particular blooms as it wasn't the season of spring, he reckons it was much more expensive than the usual yet its significance made it worthy.

he chuckles quietly, observing each of the flowers’ details. some were very fresh and some were almost wilting, yet there was one that had caught his eyes the most - the smallest one of all. the barely grown flower that had sprouted.

it had unknowingly caught his attention, at first, but he realized the reason. 

he remembers him so dearly. he was part of his seasons throughout the years.

scratch that. seongmin wouldn't treat him as only _a_ _part_ of his seasons.

he was  _ his every season.  _

  
  
  
  
  


_ spring of 2011. _

  
  


the ahn family had always had green thumbs. they have always been fond of flowers, greeneries and sorts of plants. they treat them like their own family, and seongmin who had grown in that type of environment had also grown closer to these. 

the spring of 2011 was impeccably one of the most beautiful spring seasons throughout the years that have passed. the flowers had bloomed, volumized into bigger bundles which had made their small and humble garden more beautiful than it has ever been.

seongmin liked, loved all of the flowers but he had one that he has been admiring since he was a child. 

_ white daisies,  _ his mother had said it was what his father had given him when he proposed to her. his mother would always brag to her child about how romantic it was when his father did it. little seongmin would listen attentively, and even with his very young mind, he had always been thinking of how it must also feel like that.

one spring morning, seongmin would go out per se to look at the beauty of the garden. he specifically goes to what their family would call, ‘the pearl of the sea of beauty’ which is the spot where his favorite flowers grow. 

he heard rustling sounds by the bush and so he stood straight, refraining himself from creating unnecessary noise. there he heard it again.

afraid that his hunches were right, he grabs a pebble from the ground, a small one to be exact because he doesn’t have the heart to hurt any living being at any cost. he tiptoes as he quietly approaches the bushes behind the white daisies.

and there he sees a boy, a bit taller than him, slouching as he’s seemingly hiding from the other kid.

seongmin unclenches his hands as he drops the pebble from his hand. 

“hey, what are you doing here? why are you hiding?”

the kid didn’t move a single inch away but instead, he folds his body more, and suspicions grew inside of seongmin.

he knew he was hiding something.

using all of his strength, he forcefully grabs the kid by his hand which had caused the thing he’s hiding to fall from his hands. 

_ white daisies. _

seongmin’s eyes grew big as he stares at the bundle of daisies on the grass. he looks back at the boy who’s avoiding eye contact.

“hey! you’re a thief! why are you stealing flowers here? that’s bad!” seongmin continuously says, giving no breath for the taller boy to respond.

“i-i’m sorry. i, i was just walking by and i saw these daisies.. and.. and..” 

seongmin narrows his eyes as he puts his hands on his hips, “and?”

the taller boy scratches his head before he replies, “they looked very beautiful.. and i wanted to give it to my mom.”

seongmin’s face softens with the response of the other kid.

the latter continues, “i’m sorry if i didn’t ask permission.. i just didn’t know how to..”

seongmin nods, “it’s fine. but i wouldn’t just let you go with it.”

the taller boy looks at him when seongmin starts to pick up the daisies on the floor, arranging them into a much prettier bundle than it was before as he gives it back to the boy.

“i’ll go with you so i can meet your mom. i’ll tell her so she can educate you with what you did!” seongmin says on a whim.

the other kid thinks for a while but seongmin’s determined eyes were the ones which drove him to surrender.

he nods which seongmin flashes a playful grin at.

  
  
  
  


“w-why are we here?” seongmin asks almost inaudibly, but still enough for the other one to hear. he had never been in this place before but he knows what’s in here as he has seen similar places like this in movies and films.

the taller kid kneels on the grass by the gravestone as places the bouquet of flowers above it. he dusts off the visible dusts by the engraved stone as he smiles.

“my mom. meet my mom. i was on my way here when i stopped by your little garden because the flowers caught my eyes.” he replies as he stands up.

he faces the smaller boy behind him who’s quietly sniffling with his muffled sobs. he walks towards him as he laughs quietly.

“why are you crying?”

it took seongmin a few seconds and wipes on his cheeks before he could answer.

“i’m sorry i was mean a while ago.. i didn’t mean it.. i didn’t know.” seongmin says as he looks at the taller boy with his shiny eyes.

the latter puts his arm over seongmin’s shoulder as he stroked his shoulder with comforting motions.

“it’s okay, don’t worry. now stop crying or i’m gonna feel bad. i’m taeyoung, you are?” he asks, eyeing the smaller boy with genuinity. 

seongmin wipes his tears a few more times before he answers, “seongmin. nice to meet you taeyoung.”

  
  
  
  


_ summer of 2015. _

after a few more interactions, both of them had learned they actually go to the same school. that made them grow much closer than before, sharing each other’s secrets and little talks as the two of them found comfort from each other.

seongmin doesn’t know why but he would always wake up early in the morning which he doesn’t usually do especially when it’s a summer break, just to see taeyoung every morning, taking a run in their neighborhood. 

sure, the both of them are already close enough to be comfortable with each other but seongmin has grown a little desire of staring at taeyoung with a chance of none to be seen by the other. he doesn’t know why but he likes it when the taller boy has his rare concentrating face whenever he jogs which seongmin doesn’t see always as he’s always full of clownery and tomfoolery whenever they’re together.

seongmin, admittedly had a small crush on the other and it doesn’t help it whenever his body initiatively wakes up before the blaring sound of his alarm as if seeing taeyoung every morning was food for his soul.

he just found himself approaching taeyoung one morning when summer was about to end. since then, they have been exercising together every morning of everyday and every week. during the afternoons, they would be at the cliff which is a few jogs away from their neighborhood. they would always stare at the orange sky slowly turning into a dark shade of gray and into pitch black, slightly illuminated by the stars and the moon.

seongmin sighs and he looks at his side where taeyoung was. the view was great, everyone would be in awe if they were to see it even for a single second but the person he’s looking at right now would inevitably beat every other scenery there is in existence.

seongmin loved the way taeyoung’s eyes would sparkle with the moonlight.

he loved the way that their breathing and crickets were the only sounds surrounding them.

he loved every second of it.

taeyoung looks back at him as he tilts his head.

“is there something wrong, seongmin?”

seongmin immediately shakes his head. “you look pale,” he says abruptly, wanting to change the topic as he did not want to blow his cover off.

taeyoung touches his lips as he furrowed his eyebrows. he pauses for a while before he ruffles seongmin’s hair, laughing.

“stop lying, i know you have something in your head and you just said that out loud because you don’t know what else to say. and don’t try to deny it, seongmin. i probably know you the most in this world next to your parents.”

seongmin was silent with taeyoung’s series of words. he was right with every single one of those words. except... 

taeyoung checks his wristwatch, pointing at it after he read the time aloud. “anyways, it’s almost 7pm. should we go home now? it’s getting late.”

seongmin nods, “sure but why do we always go home right before it’s 7?”

taeyoung looks at him for a moment before he shrugs, “no reason. let’s go?”

seongmin loved it. he loved how his day starts with taeyoung, and it also ends with him. 

it was young love, infatuation as some may call but seongmin loved every aspect of it.

he loved it especially because he’s with taeyoung.

  
  
  
  


_ winter of 2019 _

  
  


it was the favorite season of all, most likely because it’s christmas, a season of giving and a season of big feasts! everyone would be excited for the feast with different kinds of food prepared exclusively for the holiday. the kids would be excited about the wrapped gifts under the christmas tree colored by the lights hanging by it.

but seongmin had spent his christmas in a bit of a different way for the past few years. knowing taeyoung has been living with his grandma since his mother passed away, seongmin would visit their house bringing in a lot of wrapped foods and gifts for the three of them to share.

taeyoung used to always decline seongmin’s kindness but the latter was determined and stern which left taeyoung to let him do what he wanted to do, especially because he likes seeing the younger smiling whenever he does it.

this christmas was.. different. 

when seongmin came in front of the doorstep of taeyoung’s house, his grandma greeted him and said taeyoung has not been home since this morning. seongmin almost trips on his tracks as he rams in their neighborhood, looking for taeyoung.

he has never been like this before, especially because he had always talked about how much he loves his grandma and that he would never leave her alone for long.

seongmin runs against the strong snow falling from above as he searches for taeyoung. he halts when he sees a familiar figure sitting on one of the park benches and that’s when he knew he had found the one he’s been looking for.

he sighs as he slowly approaches taeyoung. he sits beside him, maintaining a decent distance between them when he realizes taeyoung was weeping.

it made him worried because this is the first time he has seen his crush like this. 

“you’re not wearing anything over your clothes, aren’t you cold?” seongmin asks, trying to break the ice.

when the taller one finally feels the smaller’s presence, he quickly wipes his tears away.

“too late for that now. it’s okay, if it makes you feel better, i won’t look.”

seongmin hated the fact that he doesn’t know how to express his affection into words and actions. he had been having a hard time doing this, and he hates himself more for not being able to do it in times like this.

taeyoung wept more and his once was muffled cries had turned into sobs. seongmin looks at him with teary eyes.

“come here.” seongmin didn’t waste any second to give taeyoung a warm hug before removing one of the sleeves of his padding, purposely squeezing himself beside taeyoung as he lets the both of them be engulfed by the big size of it.

“i won’t ask you what’s wrong because that’s a story you’ll choose to tell if you’re ready or if you want to. for now, you have to stay warm or you’ll get sick! no one wants you to be sick, hmm?!” seongmin playfully said which made taeyoung laugh quietly.

“thanks, seongmin. i really appreciate you.”

seongmin looked at him when he heard those words.

“...for being here.” taeyoung continues as he looks at the snow falling to the ground. seongmin stares at him, his heart slightly aching yet he forces a smile onto his face. he grabs taeyoung’s bare hands as he encloses them within his warm winter gloves. the taller one looks at him with his big yet tearful eyes.

“your hands are freezing. this is better, right?”

taeyoung smiles as he looks from their hands and to seongmin.

“it is.”

  
  
  


_ autumn of 2020 - present. _

seongmin had always thought things would be different if he asked taeyoung what the reason was when he was crying on that one winter night.

he had always thought if he would be living without the existing regrets in his heart if he had noticed all of the little hints and clues taeyoung have had before everything went downhill.

the thing is, in anyone’s point of view, taeyoung would be seen as selfish. selfish for keeping everything a secret. for keeping it to seongmin when he had all the time to say it after the revelation on that winter night.

but seongmin knew taeyoung the best out of everyone. he knows that taeyoung is everything but selfish.

in fact, he’s the most selfless person he has ever known. he always had a smile plastered on his face even if life was too hard on him.

his mother passed away because of cancer, the strongest illness a person would fight with. despite these circumstances, he had always maintained positive and he had never shown a hint of weakness to everyone.

that is because he had always believed that smiling can solve everything in this world. by that, he ought to make everyone around him smile and that includes seongmin.

unfortunately, the killer was hereditary, as taeyoung was also diagnosed with the same disease, and his illness just happened to be on peak on that specific winter night.

it all made sense to seongmin now. how taeyoung became extra clingy to him, how he confessed to the smaller a few weeks after that night, and how they became inseparable ever since.

seongmin had envied taeyoung’s courage but all of those were done because his time was running out.

he hated the fact that he had overlooked how taeyoung was almost as pale as a white canvass even during the former years. he hated the fact that he overlooked why he was always rushing to go home every 7pm, and it's because he had check ups at that time. he had hated the fact that he had overlooked everything.

but maybe that’s what taeyoung had wanted to happen.

the very last moment seongmin has seen taeyoung breathing, he shed tears and the last time seongmin had seen him was on that winter night.

he cried not because he’s dying, but because he’s leaving people behind.

people he treasured the most.

seongmin sighs as he stares back at the already wilting flowers, in need of hydration. 

white daisies mean _ ‘i love you truly.’ _

and a specific thought on an autumn night answered seongmin’s questions.

his left eye drops a tear.

“i love you truly, taeyoung. i hope you’re okay there.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! feedbacks are very much appreciated!


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